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| A workshop you can use--partners of sex addicts | On this page | ||
| OK, we
know a lot of you don't have the money to attend a workshop for $2000
if your abuser is also a sex addict (mine was)--but if you do have insurance or the extra funds--GO. It can make a huge difference in your self-respect. This workshop is designed to support the partners of sex addicts. During this weeklong process, participants will have the opportunity to begin healing the grief of relational betrayal. They will explore their relational templates, develop communication skills, establish boundaries, set goals, and move to places of personal empowerment. Monday through Friday/8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m./Cost: $2000 Space is still available for the week of April 21 - 25 For more information contact THE MEADOWS 800-632-3697 www.themeadows.com I wish I knew about this thirty years ago.
THANK YOU. ~AK
 March's comment I
recently realized that I had been in an abusive relationship for the
past 10 years. I ended it as soon as I was willing to face the truth: I
did not deserve his verbal abuse. In addition, I have entered
friendships with people who have also been abusive, controlling etc.
Consequently, I felt bad, insecure, and anxious when I was around them;
but, I did not know why I did. I don't want to be "the victim" anymore.
I want to begin a fresh, healthy life and learn from past mistakes.
Essentially, I want to move on without the feeling of being "had".
~JT
They shouldn’t be taking it out on us and we shouldn’t be taking it in FREE Web -Based Verbal Abuse Tutorial is a an educational tool designed to give you clear and practical information on this issue. The tutorial is FREE and is moderated by Dr. Marshall and Shelly Marshall. The Email Trail of Self-Help: Stopping Abusive Relationships is a walk through the lives of four women as they learn what abuse is and how to stop it. It is a web-based book. FREE The Articles on Abuse are written by the hosts of this site and some special friends. They are designed to give you more of an indepth look at yourself and the issues we face. July 9, 2006 NOTE: we've had a few really good comments lately on the Symptoms of Abuse. Aslo, someone from Orange County, CA has sent in a warning about a guy advertising in the papers there: check it out. And don't forget to check out Resource Links as well as the FAQ. *****Send
This Page To A Friend***** NOTE: We do not intend to reinvent the wheel here. There are many great sites on domestic abuse already. We want you to use them. YouAreATarget.com presents a quick overview of abuse and how you can stop it. For in-depth information we provide well researched links to other web sites and links to buy the books we think will help. Use the links, explore the web--get the summaries here and specific information by clicking on the many links we provide. Our book is coming soon and then you will have a first response manual to stop the abuse in its tracks. | Introduction
to this site You are not a victim What this site can do for you What this site cannot do for you Readers comments
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| Finding out I married a flasher wasn't my finest moment, yet it did eventually lead to the creation of this web site. That day in April 2003 was the beginning and the end of many things. It was the beginning of understanding why my husband, Bob, had been so unhappy, mean, and hostile with me throughout our brief marriage. It was the beginning of understanding why I stayed for more than 15 minutes of his nasty abuse and self-absorbed life-style. And just as that discovery marked the beginning of my understanding of domestic abuse and how I contributed to it; it also marked the end of my marriage. Not that I would have ever given up on the marriage. I would have been beating that dead horse of a marriage until the maggot infested carcass rotted away. But when Bob realized that I wouldn't take the blame or the abuse one second longer, his hostility escalated, verging on violence and had he continued, would have been imprisoned. My husband demanded the divorce. His obsessions with himself overshadowed any desire he ever had to make a marriage, work on his abuse issues, or commit to true intimacy. Chances are if you come to this web site, you suspect that your partner, whether male or female, is abusing you in some manner like my ex had abused me. Thank God the awareness about verbal, mental, emotional, and sexual abusiveness in
That was the old days. "Victim" means you have no choice. "Victim" means you are powerless in the situation. "Victim" means that others have to help you because you can't help yourself. "Victim" means you're weak. YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM no matter what anyone--your friends, therapists, or mother--tell you You are not a survivor either. You are a TARGET and you can stop it today. No one has to stand still for target practice. Yes, you may have been hurt by someone's anger, unhappiness, lies, accusations, and mind games, but "victim?" No longer. Never again. Get it out of your consciousness. Victims survive. Victor's win. You are not going to survive anything, you are going to WIN.
What this site can do for you
What this site can not do for you
Contacting Us We may be interested in sharing your comments or story on this site. All correspondence becomes the property of the owner of this site. We do not change the names to protect the guilty, but you may want to, especially if you might be the target of retaliation or you have kids you are protecting. We may also change the names for liability reasons. When you write in, give us a name for you (doesn't have to be your real name), an email address where we can reach you, and your city and state. Emails without a legitimate email return address will be deleted without being read. Email us: Readers Comments: December's comment 2007. I prayed for help in this form and I believe my prayer has been answered. I recongize the fact that in allowing this abuse for almost 30 years, something must change with me before anything else will change. ~SC Oct 2007: Having read through your site, I feel like a patient who has been to doctor after doctor with a problem and has never had a diagnosis. While reading I keep saying to myself, " Yes he does that" and "he has done that in the past" When one tactic of his no longer works, he goes on to something else.I know thatthat the only way I can have peace in my life is to leave and I am working on that. Thank you you have been a big help and will continue to be. ~Heather From Yahoo Email March 2, 2006 I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years before I have the strength to leave. I have been single and free from him for a year and a half. I still have no friends male or female and as much as I want a man in my life I am hesiate to allow myself to feel anything for fear I will let my guard down and be emotionally tortured once again. Salina From Australia May 12, 2006 Thanks Shelly, I've done so much work on myself and am at the stage where I can see it for what it is - don't want it, refuse to accept it - yet with kids involved there is way too much contact. What he did to me is now happening to my children 12, 8 and 7. I have said that unless his behavior improves and he stops, then not only will I oppose his extra access I will move to reduce his access. That's my hell. "C" Orange County California: August 10, 2006: Thank you so much for your web site! I married and divorced three abusers before I finally figured out that I needed to work on MYSELF! I have been leading a verbal abuse support group for 7 years now. It is a real blessing that my experiences can be of benefit to other women who are verbally abused. I am writing to see if you can list my support group on your web site? It is free. Debbie R. (Note: we listed her support group on our new Support Group page.) From Canada August 21, 2006: I found this tutorial very helpful. I have been married for 36 years for which I worked during most of it and we raised two daughters. Both recently married and successful in their careers. I have for a long time suspected that I was in a verbally abusive relationship. I am sure I was not only very busy but also in denial. Probably mis-handled things all along. It is a cycle....things go well and I actually believe he is really trying to keep the marriage together and then bang... more angry screaming rages. In past years he has been abusing alcohol...a problem never before in our marriage. He is a good man in every way except his relationship with me. Our friends would never guess. Communication is a big issue....he will not discuss anything ...especially not how he is feeling. I wish to try to work issues out. From Europe: Sept 15, 2006 Just surfing on the net, I discovered your website and I found it great. I have been married to a total narcissist and emotional abusive husband for over 10 years. He is from the USA, and I am from Europe, so I probably can take some blame for the starting years on the marriage. I was leaving in a different country, without my family and without real knowledge on how things were done “normally” over there. We move after quite a few finantial fiascos in the States, to start over and live our lifes. Things have not changed much, and he is the controlling, bad-talking, never pleased person. We got two georgeous kids, whom never really spend “quality” time with their dad, because he is too busy doing his own things (that being playing video games, on the internet and I am afraid to say “smoking pot”). I had known for a while now that things are totally off hand, and that we have created a dysfunctional family. But now I am really ready to stop with all of the abuse. I already started my “own appreciate myself session”, and I am not taking any more commentaries off hand, and blame for “everything”, and negative criticism. But I know that I need help in order to continue down this road… which is a pretty hard one. Therefore, I really appreciate your input and help in getting control over my life and my own person. . |
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I found this site doing research for my husband. I want to get a divorce, but he wants to work to save our marriage, which explains why I'm online reading about ending abuse while he's upstairs playing
football on his Xbox.
Does this make sense at all outside of his universe? -Nell
Eventually attended a class at the Center for the Prevention of Domestic Violence and learned about "my contribution" to all of it. At first it was hard to listen to. But, unlike any therapist I had in the past, the lady who taught the class got through to me. *I* had some changing to do!
After having 3 bad marriages, I have realized that all these feminist groups and victim advocacy groups have no real ability to change a victims life. Only the victim can do that!
Diane, Dr. Irene's Verbal Abuse Site