Kimorexia: No offense, but…

You've got to read her post...

Kimorexia: No offense, but…: "'No offense, but...'

Don’t you hate when someone says that? It means they are going to say something offensive, doesn’t it? They know it's offensive, and say it anyway. It’s like a get out of jail free card. They’re supposed to get off free, while you’re left with the scars.

That phrase has some hostile cousins:

“You’re __________”, followed by “kidding!” (Not so funny at all!)

“You should know better than to take it personally! You know how I am!'

“You should know better than to take me seriously!”

“Geez, can’t you take a joke?”"

Linda Neely: Lessons in remembrance - Sean Kirst - syracuse.com

They want to remember her--they want to teach children to recognize abuse. Good idea, but will it get off the ground?

Linda Neely: Lessons in remembrance - Sean Kirst - syracuse.com: "That's intended as a way of getting at the quiet and continuing national tragedy that Linda Neely illustrates: She was an involved mom, a PTO treasurer, a well-loved worker at a local adoption agency ... and many who knew her well had no idea that she spent years in an abusive situation. Domestic abuse - physical, verbal or behavioral - slices through divisions of class and income, and is often hidden behind the walls of a house.

Colleen O'Brien, a Vera House staff worker, said a finely-tuned curriculum in the schools could help to gently educate children about patterns they might not even recognize as abuse.

I would invite anyone who has reflections about Linda Neely, or about the lessons to be gained from her life, to share them by leaving them here, e-mailing me at skirst@syracuse.com or visiting the forum."

Workshop for Partners of Sex Addicts

In April you will find a great workshop for partners of sex addicts in Arizona at the Meadows--read about at our site.

THE MEADOWS
1655 North Tegner Street
Wickenburg, Arizona 85390
800-632-3697
www.themeadows.com

Remember, many times the underlying cause of abuse is an addiction/obsession with sexual issues--read about this on our site if you suspect that might be the reason your abuser treats you so badly.

Unpacking and confusion | The Wordslinger, here to help you understand verbal abuse.

Here's a woman who is just now beginning to understand what emotional and verbal abuse is all about--her story may help you decide is "abuse" applies in your relationship.


Unpacking and confusion | The Wordslinger, here to help you understand verbal abuse.: "He's due back today after 5 days away for work and I'm really not looking forward to it. I've taken time out of my usual routine of preparing for him to arrive (wake in a panic, frantically clean and organise the house to his liking) to seek support and advice here as his behaviour is not normal."

binh’s space » Blog Archive » Silence�The Ultimate Control and Power Over Another

I love the differences between abuse and conflict--so many therapists think that both partners need to give a little and they treat abuse like a conflict--they don't realize it is a violation and needs to be stopped. Later the real conflicts can surface...

binh’s space » Blog Archive » Silence�The Ultimate Control and Power Over Another: "In describing verbal abuse it is a boundary violation, it is an intrusion upon another, or disregard of another in a relentless pursuit of Power Over, superiority and dominance by covert or overt means. In a conflict each person wants something different. However, in a conflict the parties discuss their wants, needs and seek a mutually win/win solution. While seeking the solution neither party forces, dominates or controls the other."

you are stupid, fat, lazy

Yeah--been there and done that!


rozina: "5 years on, Julie and Scott are still together and Julies confidence is shot to pieces. Scott still tells her he loves her, from time to time, but spends a lot more time telling her how stupid, lazy, ugly and fat she is. And, of course, how lucky she is to have someone like him, because nobody else would want her. The sad thing is, she believes him totally. Shes been so brainwashed by him for so long. We live in a society where people habitually say rude, abrasive, sometimes clever, things to each other, which are often quite funny. But rude, abrasive words have the power to chip away at a person until they break them into small pieces."

Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs and Symptoms of Abusive Relationships

What I like most about this info is that is says that violence (verbal emotional) IS A CHOICE!


Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs and Symptoms of Abusive Relationships: "Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” He uses fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and gain complete power over you. He may threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence. Victims of domestic abuse or domestic violence may be men or women, although women are more commonly victimized. This abuse happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. Except for the gender difference, domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate. It happens within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. The abuse may occur during a relationship, while the couple is breaking up, or after the relationship has ended. Despite what many people believe, domestic violence is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his behavior. In fact, violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to take control over his wife or partner."

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: PUBLIC OUTCRY ON MEGAN MEIER CASE

Cyber bullying is something we have to really take a look at How to punish cyberbully.

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: PUBLIC OUTCRY ON MEGAN MEIER CASE: "MEGAN MEIER SUICIDE ROUNDUP MEGAN MEIER - REACTIONS TO THE REACTIONS TO THE REACTIONS HOW TO PUNISH A CYBERBULLY CYBERPATH PUSHES GIRL TO SUICIDE Labels: criminal, cyberbullying, cyberpath, death, lori drew, megan meier, MySpace, online predators, suicide Fighter posted at 3:10 AM"

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: MYSPACE HOAX VICTIM'S FAMILY SEEKS JUSTICE

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: MYSPACE HOAX VICTIM'S FAMILY SEEKS JUSTICE: "“She asked me to stop doing all of this,” she told Lauer. “I told her that we would not stop, that we were going to continue for justice for Megan because we knew what they did.” (sounds exactly like these predators - Click on each name for more information): * 'It was all just a game' Beckstead * 'I'm the victim here' Langley-Guy * 'If you loved me you'd stand by my lies' Thomas * 'They went in with their eyes wide open' except I lied to them - Gridney/ YidwithLid * 'It's all false - my wives set me up' Hicks * 'all women are whores' Dorsky... etc! Even when its done to VULNERABLE adults its WRONG. How dare you expose their cruelty! Right on Mr. & Mrs. Meier for speaking out on behalf of your child!)"

Escape Abuse!

What a great service. Also this is a terrific blog for resources.


Escape Abuse!: "The ADT AWARE® program is a coordinated effort among ADT Security Services, representatives of local law enforcement agencies, prosecutor’s offices and battered women’s shelters. After these community groups have selected participants for the program, ADT donates and installs electronic security systems in the homes of victims of domestic violence. The systems include a hold-up alarm pendant, which can be worn or carried with the victim while in the home. In the event of an imminent attack, the victim can press the button on the pendant, sending an immediate, silent alarm to ADT, which in turn notifies the appropriate police agency. Law enforcement agencies participating in the AWARE® program have agreed to respond to these AWARE® alarms on a priority basis."

Abuse survivor to lead rescue -- chicagotribune.com

I really like this story--this woman understands abuse and how it undermines even the most professional woman with resources--why don't they leave? she answers the questions....


Abuse survivor to lead rescue -- chicagotribune.com: "The worst part, she said, wasn't physical abuse but verbal tirades that chipped away at her self-esteem, along with a growing sense of isolation, which included his forbidding her from seeing her family. 'One Christmas my mother called, asking, if she couldn't be with her grandchildren, could I at least come over and pick up some gifts? I can't believe I allowed that to happen,' she said, her voice choked with emotion. So why wouldn't this professional woman with economic resources just pack up and leave? It's difficult for outsiders to understand, West said, ticking off a long list of reasons, from shame to an upbringing that included a reverence for loyalty (her parents have been married for more than 50 years) to the belief that maybe, just maybe, what the man had been telling her all these years was true: It was her fault. 'As scientists, we're trained to look at all sides...that you always have to open the door to other points of view,' she said. 'So, I kept thinking...if I didn't do whatever angered him, things would get better.'"

An abuser does an about face

Progress, progress, I love proress


The Albert Lea Tribune: "“I know I hurt just about everyone I talked to then,” Haukoos said. “But now that I look back on it, I was a big loser. Nobody won. Everybody lost. I see that now.” As a graduate of Freeborn County’s Domestic Abuse Program, the 24-year-old man has completed a 27-week program designed to teach abusers the alternatives to the life they had been living — and to take accountability for their actions. Haukoos said the course, which is set up as a group program, has taught him invaluable skills that he will always remember. And though the dark thoughts that led to the abuse and the drug use still sometimes creep into his mind, he now recognizes them as they appear and knows the tools that he can use to make sure those thoughts don’t become actions — ever again."

Abusive Relationships - Dangerous Relationships - Domestic Violence - How To Spot A Dangerous Man

You don't pick these men--they pick you!!!!

Abusive Relationships - Dangerous Relationships - Domestic Violence - How To Spot A Dangerous Man: "“DANGEROUS” is what he does to your soul 1. Have You Been Emotionally, Physically or Sexually Abused In Your Relationship with Your Dangerous Man?
2. Cheated On? More Than Once? Do You Keep Picking Cheaters?
3. Have You Dated Or Married Stalkers Or Predators?
4. Are You Attracted To Addicts, Abusive, Violent, or Married Men?
5. Have You Picked Men Who Are Mentally Ill?
6. Are You Tired Of Go-Nowhere Relationships With Married Men?
7. Do You Want To Know Why You Keep Picking These Kinds Of Men?"

Family conflict not necessarily domestic violence

It's true that not every time the police are called, is it a true on-going abuse case. we do need more education and yes, the legal system is not stopping domestic, verbal and emotional abuse--not battering! Read this article. Robert has some good points.

SouthCoastToday.com: YOUR VIEW: New thinking is needed in response to domestic violence: "The use of the criminal justice system as the primary role of preventing family violence has not worked. The threat of arrest, incarceration and fines has not been enough to dissuade possible perpetrators from carrying through on their aggressive behavior. The dynamics of family violence are more subtle than can be dealt with in the right/wrong, perpetrator/victim processes and procedures that are part of law enforcement and the judicial system. The latter are essential when there is evidence that a clear crime has been committed, but most incidents of family violence do not meet the level of battering behavior. There is a growing body of research that recognizes that most of the family disputes in which the police become involved are not battering relationships (in which one person, whether male or female, whether heterosexual or homosexual, is attempting to control the other person through intimidation, threats and violence). Instead, most situations are what can be termed 'family conflict,' in which there can be disagreements, arguments, even some pushing and shoving and that might be part of a long-standing relationship or might be a one-time incident."

WIStv.com Columbia, SC: Evangelist speaks against domestic violence

Finally! someone who is acknowledging that the abuser has done something that needs forgiving! Before we have been shamed into being seen as the guilty party for complaining aobut it or "breaking up the family". It's the abusers problem--he (or she) created it.


WIStv.com Columbia, SC: Evangelist speaks against domestic violence: "Evangelist Juanita Bynum's husband was recently arrested and accused of attacking her. For the first time since the incident happened she's talking about it. Evangelist Bynum made an appearance Tuesday night in Georgia. First to reporters in Buckhead, then to a national television audience, Bynam promised to be the 'new face of domestic violence.' 'Today, domestic violence has a face and it is Juanita Bynum.' Standing before cameras, Juanita Bynum declared she's not a damsel in distress, and wanted to say for the record. 'I forgive my husband and I wish him the best.'"

salleebuckley's Xanga Site

this is an article worth reading. This is abuse in its rarest! Why would we start seeing a guy who called us a cunt the first time we met? we have to question ourselves in these situations.

salleebuckley's Xanga Site: "Shed sprained her ankle and a friend was half-supporting, half-carrying her. Despite the pain she couldnt help but notice the good looking guy waiting at the bus stop. Scott looked at her and his first words to her were that she was a drunken c**t. Julie thought that was hilarious. By the time she got off the bus they had exchanged phone numbers."

Equality called key to ending abuse

We don't want to blame the victim--we don't want to blame the family, employer, or police. who is let to blame? Oh, the perpetrator!

We too often look for other causes--but one thing we will always say her at youareatarget.com is that if women want to stop abuse, they have to learn how to enforce the respect-me-rules. In order to be equal, we must act equal--remember, the only way people will walk on you is if you lay down! (pun intended)


Equality called key to ending abuse: "A high-profile review of domestic violence in Ontario puts too much blame on friends and families of victims and offers a bandage solution, a London women's advocate charges. 'There seems to be a shift away from holding the abuser accountable and now holding society accountable,' Megan Walker, head of the London Abused Women's Centre, said yesterday. 'No (ordinary people) can stop a man from killing a woman if that is what he wants to do.' The report, which highlights the need for more public education and awareness, misses the key point about domestic violence, she said."