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The Miracle
Principle
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Skills of
Stopping the
Abuse > Closure |
| Introduction to the FREE Tutorial | Spotlight | Our
FREE Web-based Tutorial will help you to better understand abuse
issues. On this page we present a brief introduction to the tutorial
and some guidelines to follow in using it. The actual tutorial is
divided into three 'chapters' that are designed to help build your
understanding of the skills used by those who go from victim to victor.
* Defining the Problem
* The Miracle Principle
* Stopping the Abuse
You
can sign-up for your free web-based Tutorial after reading the
Introduction. You must use the guidance of a therapist or other
professional should you decide to employ any of the strategies covered.
The tutorial is self-paced and can be repeated as many times as you
wish. Due to the volume of submissions, not all assignments will be
responded to, but the moderators will read each and every one.
NOTE: Be sure to read the E-mail Trail if
you want to get an idea of how Shelly, the website host, and Dawn, one
of our co-hosts, came to understand abuse in their own relationships.
I
am interested in your tutorial. I like your remarks about not being a
victim but a target, reading that has made me feel some what different
about the situation, less helpless though not yet a winner. But there
is no guarantee I will end up the winner in this war of minds. ~Reader Comment
From Kansis City: I
found that the things to do to stop the abuse were great.
Overwhelming to remember, but they sound great. I still don't
want to have to be in the same room or house with my husband.
But, since I see no other way around it, I will have to try hard
to implement some of these tactics. I get drawn into other
arguments so easy. He throws things back in my face and then I
defend it or feel that he is right (like I am just as bad as he is
because of something I did). In asking him something and he
changed the subject, I was reprimanded that both of us were playing
games because I did not answer his question either. I said I had
asked first---but I was wrong because I should have answered his
question and quit focusing on who was right and who was
wrong. It is so frustrating. Peggy (Note:
Peggy sent this to us from her husband's email account and so we were
hesitant to reply to her--if you read this Peggy, Please let us know
how you are!)
| I would like to partake
in the
tutorial program. I want to be a winner! ~ Reader
comment
Please
send this to me quickly. I am living your pages. ~Reader comment
Please
hurry! Send me the tutorial before I go crazy!! ~Reader Comment
Top Ten Reasons
to "Ex"pose
your Ex
If you haven't seen it, take a
look at the Power and
Control Wheel |
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Welcome to the Verbal
Abuse Tutorial
This web site, and
most particularly this
tutorial, is for any woman (or man) who feels:
- as
if home
is not your santuary but more like a concentration camp.
- that
you
are never good enough to please your spouse.
- that
you
are walking on eggshells around your spouse.
- that
if you
work really hard at it, you will eventually convince your partner that
you are worthy of love and affection.
- that
the
rules are always changing and you don't know it until you violate
one.
- that
no
matter how hard you try, they twist things to
make you wrong.
- that
if you
treated them like they treat you, you would have hell to pay.
- as
if your
partner is unrelenting in his/her criticism, annoyance, irritation,
and disapproval of you.
- that
you
can bring out the underlying good in your partner if you can find just
the right combination.
- as
if your
spouse is accusing you of things they are actually doing.
- you
are confused about why you can never seem to get it right.
- that
you
want to be your partner's best friend but they keep making you the
enemy.
- as
if your
partner controls everything, or tries to.
- maybe
your partner is right after all, you are going crazy, they are right
and
you are wrong.
You
will learn how
to stop being a target
After you learn the dynamics of verbal and emotional abuse, you will be
ready to learn the techniques used to STOP being
a target. Notice we didn't say "victim." You are not a victim but a
target of his (or her) abuse and anyone can learn the process of
dodging
the abuse.
We
can not tell you whether you should stay with your partner or leave.
Everyone's
circumstances are unique and what is best for you is entirely your
decision to make. Should you decide to
stay, we support your decision and want you to learn how to stop the abuse
under the guidance
of a therapist. A target can always learn how to take care of themself.
If you leave, we want you to know how NOT TO BE A
TARGET so you have a chance at a healthy relationship next time around.
None of us are
victims
Although abusees are
certainly a target, they don't have to be 'victims.'
Victims
need to be rescued. Targets get out of the way. Victims are passive.
Targets are active. Abusees are not 'survivors' either.
The words "victim" and "survivor" should be purged from the vocabulary
of abusees because they are counterproductive. Survivors are the
victims of circumstances in which they have no control. Those who
mastered the target approach didn't
survive
the game of domestic abuse--they won it. They are winners!
Read this before signing up
In this web tutorial you will
learn about
some techniques that can be used to stop a verbal abuser.
However, if you decide to use them, it is imperative that you do so
under the guidance of a mental health professional. This
tutorial is intended to be used for educational purposes
only. It
is not meant to be a substitute for professional help with an abusive
relationship.
Important:
In
addition, if your relationship is one of
domestic violence
(i.e. your
partner has physically assaulted or
threatened to assault you), then it is beyond the scope of this
tutorial and website. Those who are in this type of situation should
seek help with other more appropriate resources.
Proceeding
with
this
web tutorial implies that you agree with the above stipulations.
| To begin the
tutorial, please send us an email with "Send me the Tutorial" in the
subject line. If you do not fill in the subject line, your email will
be automatically deleted as spam. Ask for our tutorial and please put
in any comments you you feel are appropriate. We reserve the right to
use comments to help others, but always
protect your privacy.
You do not have to
use
your
real name. Be sure to give us a valid return email address. It will not
be sold or
distributed to anyone. It will be used only to send you the link needed
to begin the tutorial, for working the tutorial exercises, and to be
notified when our new book on verbal abuse is available. Comments are
optional, but encouraged. Click Here:
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| If you are feeling
that you know something is wrong and you feel bad about yourself and
your relationship but are not quite sure what is going on--read about Ambient Abuse
by Dr.
Sam Vaknin.
This is emotional
violence at its most suble level. Often it goes on as an
evil undercurrent in a relationship and is next to impossible for the
spouse to understand until they are neatly entrapped. |
Spousal - or
domestic - abuse is not a single form of maltreatment. It comprises the
entire panoply of abusive behaviors - sexual, emotional, psychological,
financial, physical, psychological, and verbal - when they are directed
exclusively or mostly at the abuser's spouse, mate, girlfriend, or
boyfriend.~Sam Vaknin
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