Introduction to the Free Tutorial

Our FREE Web-based Tutorial will help you to better understand abusive issues. On this page we present a brief introduction to the tutorial and some guidelines to follow in using it. The actual tutorial is divided into 2 sections with  2 sessions each that are designed to help build your understanding of the skills used by those who go from victim to victor.
  

Section 1
* Defining the Problem
* The Miracle Principle

Section 2 (requires use of the book Respect-me Rules)
* Implementing the 12 Respect-me RULES
* Closure

You can begin your FREE web-based Tutorial after reading the Introduction. You must use the guidance of a therapist or other professional should you decide to employ any of the strategies covered. The tutorial is self-paced and can be repeated as many times as you wish. Due to the volume of submissions, not all assignments will be responded to, but the moderators will read each and every one.

NOTE: Be sure to read the E-mail Trail if you want to get an idea of how Shelly, the website host, and Dawn, one of our co-hosts, Tammy and Georgiana, all came to understand abuse in their own relationships. the book is aboaut an online suppport system.

Here are some reaction comments from tutorial particpants.

Kathleen: Fought back for years, so lots of ugly fights. Learnning to not react, but it's slow going. {...} I understand and excuse, apologize and seek peace. Have worn waterproof mascara for years. I am a nurse,co-dependent, sick of the eggshell walking. Thank you, just now learning to have my own life. Makes him crazy! Learning I have been volunteering for this position, not hopelessly trapped.

Peggy: I found that your techniques to stop the abuse were great!

About the  Verbal Abuse Tutorial

This tutorial is designed to provide helpful information for anyone in a distressed relationship (man or woman) who feels:

    * as if your home is not a santuary, but more like a concentration camp.
    * that you are never good enough to please your spouse.
    * that you are walking on eggshells around your spouse.
    * that you may eventually convince your partner that you are worthy of love and affection.
    * that the rules are always changing and you won't know it until you violate one.
    * that your partner always twist things to make you wrong.
    * that if you treated them like they treat you, you would have hell to pay.
    * as if your partner is unrelenting in his/her criticism, annoyance, irritation, and disapproval of you.
    * that you can bring out the underlying good in your partner if you can find just the right combination.
    * as if your spouse is accusing you of things they are actually doing.
    * you are confused about why you can never seem to get it right.
    * that you want to be your partner's best friend but they keep making you the enemy.
    * as if your partner controls everything, or tries to.
    * like your partner has convinced you that you are going crazy.

These situations are all common in those who are targets of abuse in their relationship. You will learn how to stop being a target.

We cannot tell you whether you should stay with your partner or leave. Everyone's circumstances are unique and what is best for you is entirely your decision to make. Yet, our first choice would be for you to stay if at all possible. Leaving might be your only chocie, but we encourage you to use our approach before you make any choice. Should you decide to stay, we support your decision and want you to learn how to stop the abuse under the guidance of a therapist. A target can always learn how to take care of herself. If you leave, we want you to know how NOT TO BE A TARGET in your next relationship.

After you learn the dynamics of verbal and emotional abuse in Section 1, you will be ready to learn the techniques used to STOP being a target in Section 2. Notice we didn't say "victim." You are not a victim, but a target, of his (or her) abuse and anyone can learn the process of dodging the abuse.  Targets get out of the way. Victims are passive. Targets are active. Abusees are not 'survivors' either.  The words "victim" and "survivor" should be purged from the vocabulary of abusees because they are counterproductive. Survivors are the victims of circumstances in which they have no control. Those who master the target approach don"t merely survive the game of domestic abuse--they win it. They are winners!

Read this before beginning

This tutorial is intended to be used for educational purposes only.  It is not meant to be a substitute for professional help with an abusive relationship.

Important: In addition, if your relationship is one of domestic violence (i.e. your partner has physically assaulted or threatened to assault you), then it is beyond the scope of this tutorial and website. Those who are in this type of situation should seek help with other more appropriate resources.

Disclaimer

What do you need to complete this course?

1. The ability to view pdf documents: If you do not have the FREE adobe pdf viewer--download and install it from here: Adobe Reader

2. A browser-based email account. You must be able to send and receive emails from your browser.  The Emails for the quiz are automtic and already labeled for you. You will click on the link and an email will appear using the default email program in your browser. Some browsers or computers do not handle this automatically until you program them.  If that is the case, you can get an email account from google and if you are browsing from your google account, it will automatically launch your google email. If you don't know what we are talking about, click here  . If an email launches, don't worry. If an email does not launch, then read this article to learn how to create a default email within your browser. Click here for a tutorial on email and browsing.

What do you need to know about your privacy?

1. You never need to give your real name, unless you want to. Psuedonyms are allowable. However, if you want your Certicate of Comnpletion in your real name but are using a pseudonym, you will be offered that option at the competion of this course. Even if we issue your certificate under your real name,  we will retain your records only under your psuedonym.

2. All lessons and comments submitted become the property of  "Day By Day Recovery Resources." However, that does not mean we have the right to publish them if you specifcally say we cannot.  We often use the experiences of our participants to help others. If you want your words shared with others, you need do nothing in your emails. If you don't want any of your words shared, you must sepcifically request that we not publish or share your answers or comments. Remember, it is assumed we have permission to share your story. You must opt out of this if you do not want anything shared.

3. We NEVER sell or share your email with anyone. We use it to communicate with you and occasionlly we will send out information for our readers (rarely) and that is a promise.

Continuing with this tutorial provides implied consent that the user has read and agreed to the above disclaimers and stipulations.

We will send an optional Certificate of Completion to those who desire one. However, in order to get the certificate, you must send in email responses to the lessons. All email responses are completely voluntary and will be kept strictly confidential if requested in the email.  For those who do not ask for confidentiality, we may use email responses in books or websites to illustrate points in lessons that would be helpful to others.  You do not have to use your real name. However, in order to get a response to your email comment or a Certifificate of Completion,  be sure to give us a valid return email address. In no case will any email addresses be sold or distributed to anyone.

Click here Defining the Problem to begin Section 1, Part 1 of the tutorial, only AFTER you have read the above.

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